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Is monogamy natural for humans?

Apparently we’re in the middle of “divorce season” – more divorces are filed in January and February than in any of the other months of the year.   It appears that during the holiday season many couples evaluate their relationship and make the decision never to spend another (miserable) holiday together again. According to Statistics SA in 2016,  139 512  civil marriages were registered in South Africa,  3 978  customary marriages and  1 331 civil unions .  25 326  divorces were granted. There were more female than male plaintiffs, although males generally divorced at a later age than females. The median age for divorce was 44 years for males and 40 years for females. In 55% of the divorce cases, the children affected were under 18 years of age. With all these marriages breaking up, one has to ask the question: Is monogamy natural for humans?  Here are some interesting facts to consider: In the animal kingdom, monogamy is very uncommon. In fact, many of the species previ
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Are platonic relationships possible between men and women?

I am fortunate to have lots of fabulous women friends, but it occurred to me the other day that I don’t have any men friends – and I miss that. When I was growing up in a suburb of Durban, in the days when it was safe to be on the streets, all of us kids in the neighbourhood played together. We knew the names of every child in the neighbourhood and usually the parents too. I went to a co-ed primary school and had male friends. In high school my best friend was an English boy. A group of us hung out together at each other’s homes, getting up to all sorts of mischief, but my special friend and I would sit on my stoep, he playing guitar, me singing and both sharing our innermost thoughts with each other. This all went pear-shaped one sunny afternoon when someone brought some cheap wine over, we all got totally blotto, and my best friend kissed me! Since at the time I was dating a Canadian friend of his (who happened to be there), chaos ensued. My Canadian boyfriend punched my friend,
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Men

MEN! Before I begin, let me just say that most of the time I really like most men – have even been known to love one or two!  So maybe I’m just having a bad day, but I’m beginning to lose faith in the male of our species. This could be due to the fact that most of our male world political leaders are disappointing to say the least, and in SA, aside from our own very inspiring and adored Nelson Mandela, we have very few (if any) political male role models who arouse any admiration or reverence. So what I was thinking is that we need a few more Julia Gillard’s and Maggie Thatcher’s in power. Women with cojones! Maybe we need to start a world revolution and kick all these testosterone laden men off their perches, then we might still have a chance of world peace, saving the environment, stopping terrorism and saving the tiger from extinction!  Women are generally peace makers.  We’d rather compromise and negotiate a solution than fight with people. We may be seductresses, but we seld
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Disgraced celebrities

Is it just me or are you also feeling gatvol of all these celebrities who may be a huge success in their field of endeavour, but are terrible role models?! I actually feel really mad at Lance Armstrong - I mean I bought his books and loved them and like the rest of the world, was awed and amazed by his seven Tour de France titles. Now he, like so many others, is being dragged through the mud, in his case NOT kicking and squealing, but keeping totally mum and refusing to admit any culpabililty for dope taking and running a doping programme... What annoys me the most is that in the workshops I do with kids, I've used him an example of what you can accomplish when you put your mind and body to it... Grrrrrrr. Just think about it. We've had Mel Gibson, with all his obnoxious drunken behaviour; Bill Clinton and the Monica scandal, Lindsay Lohan and her drugs and alcohol problems, Britney Spears going off the rails, Amy Winehouse with her heavy drug addiction, Winona Ryder and he
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Getting to know you

Can anyone remember that iconic song from "The King and I" - "Getting to know you"? It goes: Getting to know you, getting to know all about you, getting to know you, getting to like what I see...... I think sometimes in this world of technology we live in, we forego courting and somehow, WHAM get straight into the nitty gritties of each other. It's so easy to do when you're 'hiding' behind a laptop, computer or cell phone screen. There's a feeling of distance between you and the person and a disconnection that gives you the license to say whatever comes into your head. You can strike up an intimacy far too soon. I don't think that intimacy is the real deal. I suspect it is artificial - a bit of a smoke screen, if you will. I really believe it takes time to get to know someone and fall in love (in the true sense of the word) - a lot of time. That's why relationships often break down when you stop spending time with each other. Don&
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The perils and plusses of internet dating

Aaaaah the 'joys' of internet dating! What I've realised is that dating sites are a microcosm of our society. They simply reflect what's out there in the big wide world - the good, the bad and the ugly!!! It's a fascinating experience if you are intrigued with human nature, as I am. Aside from my previous post about people not taking the time and putting effort into their dating profile, what totally amazes me are people who misrepresent themselves - well that's putting it nicely - people who blatantly lie about who they are! In my first foray into the murky world of internet dating shortly after my divorce, I discovered that fairly quickly. I enjoy writing (as you can probably tell) and quite enjoy getting to know someone a bit through messages before exchanging phone numbers and possibly meeting. We live and learn through our experiences, and boy did I have a few - both entertaining and scary! When I was newly divorced and in need of affirmation, I had a n
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First impressions count on a dating site

It's been a while since I've been on a dating site and I'm constantly surprised by the photos people post as their profile pics and either the poor English, terrible grammar or no info at all on their dating profile. Of course I understand that English is not everyone's first language, but then you should rather use your first language or for crying in a bucket, get help! First impressions count! They aren't everything, but we're all here trying to make an impression. Posting a photo where your face can hardly be seen or where you look like you ought to be on an America's Most Wanted list, is not helping in your marketing endeavour. Sending a bland message with very little to say as your first contact doesn't help either... To me if someone cannot make an effort to impress me with their first message, it doesn't bode well for how much effort they'd put into the relationship. Let's be realistic here. As uncomfortable as this may be (and I
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