The perils and plusses of internet dating

Aaaaah the 'joys' of internet dating! What I've realised is that dating sites are a microcosm of our society. They simply reflect what's out there in the big wide world - the good, the bad and the ugly!!! It's a fascinating experience if you are intrigued with human nature, as I am. Aside from my previous post about people not taking the time and putting effort into their dating profile, what totally amazes me are people who misrepresent themselves - well that's putting it nicely - people who blatantly lie about who they are!

In my first foray into the murky world of internet dating shortly after my divorce, I discovered that fairly quickly. I enjoy writing (as you can probably tell) and quite enjoy getting to know someone a bit through messages before exchanging phone numbers and possibly meeting. We live and learn through our experiences, and boy did I have a few - both entertaining and scary! When I was newly divorced and in need of affirmation, I had a number of younger men chasing after me - I guess the fantasy of the older women teacher and nurturer still holds weight! It was flattering and intoxicating and I went out and met a few (to my peril)! I also met men my own age and older men for coffees, lunches and sometimes dinners.

I soon learnt a few lessons - never meet anyone for the first time over drinks in the evening (if you're a woman), make sure you tell someone where you are, have an exit somewhere nearby in case you need to make a quick getaway and rather don't let him walk you to your car!!! This lesson learned after one young man insisted on walking me to my car after two cocktails, then pushed me against the car door and shoved his tongue down my throat (ugh), then as I clicked the remote to open my car door, ran around and leapt in the passenger seat, telling me to take him to his car - which was parked on a higher level of the parking lot. I should've been assertive and told him NO, but to be honest, I was a bit scared and intimidated by a rather mad gleam in his eye! I won't tell you what he did in the car, but suffice to say it wasn't a pleasant experience, he couldn't believe I wasn't interested in him, and I was extremely lucky it wasn't worse... Another time I made the same mistake, except this time I'd met the guy a couple of times and we'd had a lovely dinner when he walked me to my car in a rather deserted parking lot of a shopping centre. Unfortunately, he morphed into an octopus before my eyes after a chaste good night kiss. Fortunately, there was a security guard patrolling and when he started walking towards us, I catapulted into my car and sped away, wheelying my car out of the parking lot, leaving the dishevelled Frenchman behind gaping at me! I've since learnt some self-defense!!!

I have waited in coffee shops for men who looked really appealing in their dating profile photos, but who in real life were probably at least ten years older and many kilograms heavier! I can't believe people who do that! Why lie about your age and appearance? You're going to get caught out eventually, and misrepresenting yourself is a huge put off. Seriously, how can starting off a new relationship with a lie end in anything short of catastrophy?!! I actually find that sad. I guess the hope is that one's personality will win the person over and they won't notice that you're as big as a house or as wrinkled as a sharpei? Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. We are all initially attracted by appearance, and then the science of attraction kicks in and there's a whole underworld of pheromones and electrical magnetism at work. Who knows why we have chemistry with certain people and not others, even though they may be perfectly nice people?

In short, I think you need to take all of this with a pinch of salt (maybe some lemon and tequila could help)!!! Be yourself and be honest. You want someone to love you for who you ARE, not who you're pretending to be. A sense of humour is a must! There's nothing so offputting as the stench of desperation! No loves and sweeties in your correspondence - that's too familliar - you don't actually know the person if you haven't met them in person. One of the hardest things to learn on here has been learning how to handle rejection! I guess this is where studying practical philosophy helped me! Not everyone is going to like me, and I can't do anything about that... It works the same way in real life, but it's just a lot more 'in your face' on here. You have to build a nice, fluffy cocoon around yourself, and don't let yourself get jaded. I know a number of people who HAVE indeed met their matches on dating sites!!! It takes persistence and sometimes you have to wade through many to find the one that's right for you.